I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
