remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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