it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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