So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
