I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
