'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
