Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
