We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
