Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
