How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Girls should come with a carfax report
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Shame is for Republicans.
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