Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
