I haven't been this sober since birth.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
