i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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