i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
