sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
