dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
