I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
