What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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