Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
