Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
