yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
