is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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