did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
