Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
