Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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