using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
