I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
