Pants 0. Shit 1.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
