It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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