So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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