North Korea, Best Korea!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
