3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
