I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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