once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We talked him into tasing himself.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
