My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
