Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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