The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
