belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
