I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
