On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
