So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
