I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
