Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
