even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
