Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
