i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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