If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
