Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
