The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Man, jail baloney is awful.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
