Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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