You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
