I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
