went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
