so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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