You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
