I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
