Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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