i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
