Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
