"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
